How To Survive In Paris Without Making Parisians Hate You For Not Speaking French

They are rude. They are arrogant. They hate foreigners, specially foreigners who don’t speak French. These are just some of the descriptions attached to Parisians, enough to make anyone develop anxiety about how to survive in this busy city. 

 

From the top of Notre Dame

 French Phrases

If you’re hoping your lack of French language skills will get you killed,  I hate to tell you that you can actually continue your existence in Paris using only one phrase aside from “Bonjour” (Hello) and “Merci” (Thanks). And no, I’m not talking about the popular song lyrics “Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir?” (Do you want to sleep with me tonight?). 

Basically you only need to learn “Excusez-moi, parlez-vous anglais?” (Excuse me, do you speak English?) 

This proved useful to me as soon as I arrived in Paris. I have to be honest I was really scared to talk to these Parisians. I didn’t want to find out for myself how rude they were, so I was determined to survive my first day without having to talk to any random French. Alas, some signs in Paris are confusing, and the translated English signs sometimes aren’t the best, so talking to a local was necessary.

Speaking French To A Random French For The First Time

I mustered enough courage, went up to someone who didn’t look like a confused tourist, and in my best French accent (courtesy of Duolingo application) fluently asked them in French if they could speak English. I (hopefully) didn’t show any sign that I was afraid they’d turn me away or bite me. 

As it turns out, French people are helpful and lovely. They would answer your question with “A little”, but truthfully, they could understand a lot of English. 

Perfectionist French

I mentioned this notoriety of not speaking English to some French friends. They told me French people are normally perfectionist and don’t want to make mistakes, hence they often say they don’t like speaking English.

Lack of English Skills and Duolingo Application

A few can’t really speak English, however. I couldn’t find red wine at a shop so I had to ask the seller. He answered me with “I’m sorry I don’t speak English”. I hesitantly said “Uh, rogue vin?”, thanks to my stock knowledge from Duolingo (yes this app is a life saver!). Never mind that I actually pronounced it incorrectly and that it’s supposed to be vin rogue. The seller understood me and I got my bottle of wine. (It’s worth noting that the wine is goddamn cheap in Paris and exceptional. 3€ a bottle? Yes, please.) 

Hemingway and a few Revolutionaries frequented this restaurant in Paris

At the supermarket, apparently the cashier was asking me to scan and put the price sticker on the banana I was buying. This was new to me since we never had to do that in New Zealand and Australia. I couldn’t understand her, but this old woman behind me took the liberty to walk to the scanner and scan the banana for me, which was extremely nice. 

I’m sure there are also legit rude Parisians (even their fellow French from other cities and towns say this), but of course there are also lovely ones.

 

Barney

Just make sure to at least show them you’re trying to speak their language even by simply saying Bonjour (people always say this when entering shops), Merci (whenever the opportunity presents. There will be a lot.), and Excusez-moi, Parlez-vous Anglais, before proceeding to speaking clear English. 

Duolingo also taught me “Je peux vous offrir un bierre?” (Can I get you a drink?) but never got to use it. Maybe How I Met Your Mother‘s Barney Stinson would, just before he asks “Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce-soir”.

 

Legendary Barney (Photo from the tv show)

 

Veggies, Feta Cheese, and Basically Cooking

I’m getting better at cooking. The first time I cooked these ready-to-bake kebabs, I slightly over-cooked them, which was fine as I prefer meat like that,  but you learn not to do that again when struggling to clean the burnt baking pan…

Mushroom added for health and yum benefits.

I never baked in Philippines as baking is rare and we never had an oven. In fact, I rarely cooked when I was in Philippines, not for the lack of wanting to learn but because my dear mother wouldn’t let me.

When I tried to cook, she’d tell me I was doing something wrong, then she’d end up cooking by herself. Way to teach her daughter how to be independent.

In a way it’s great to live by myself here. I mean, I get to cook these.

Tinola – a Filipino dish with onions, ginger, and chicken. It’s supposed to have green vegie too but I didn’t have any. It tasted the same nonetheless.

Fried chicken topped with pesto. Then I added tomatoes and feta cheese.

Greek salad.

Scallops + mushroom. (Doesn’t look great but it tasted amazing!)

I usually try to add vegetable now to any food that I cook, or at least make greek salad. Living with kiwis for a few weeks taught me this healthy habit. Eating meat by itself is just considered weird. I feel bad and fat when I don’t eat any veggie along with my meal.

In Philippines, we just ate what we wanted. There were vegetables sometimes but we don’t really have any definite rule what to eat with meat. (And we wonder why the average life expectancy there is 68 years old.)

It’s easier to eat green vegetables here like lettuce as they don’t taste much (I do miss the taste of Philippines’ lettuce though.) And any vegetable salad is instantly better with feta cheese.

Dear god, that food. I thought pesto was the one then I met feta cheese. These are food I never knew existed before moving to NZ (sad, I know.). If there’s really any reason to live in NZ, it’s the food. And don’t get me started on NZ’s restaurants.